It was a beautiful faux summer day in the middle of winter. The sun always seems brighter on those days with the air filled with excitement, as the break in winter bleakness boosts spirits.

    Except hers. She sat at the park, windows all rolled up so she couldn’t hear the children laughing, birds chirping and the occasional conversation of walkers and joggers passing by. She saw nothing but darkness. And every time she struggled to the light, every time it was within reach, she fell back into the darkness. It was as if something grabbed her by the ankles and snatched her back into it, away from the comfort it offered.

She wondered how it had come to this. It used to be fun. Have a good time and walk away, but not anymore.

    “You need to talk to those people I told you about,” her friend had said. 

    “Look, I’m trying...”

    “If you say you’re trying you’re lying.”

    She gritted her teeth and listened, not feeling worthy of a comeback since she was the one who called her friend constantly to whine about her problem while rejecting any offered solution.

    Winter returned swiftly, and with the bleakness, the darkness didn’t seem as dark. After several weeks filled with ups and downs she decided, in desperation, to take her friend’s advice.

    During the evaluation she shook uncontrollably, but answered all the questions honestly.

    “We feel the best treatment plan for you at this time is Intensive Outpatient Counseling,” said the counselor.

    “What does that mean?”

    “You will report to our facility in Marion every weeknight for three hour sessions for six weeks. After that you will be reevaluated to map your progress.”

    She didn’t know what to expect, but that wasn’t it. Sixty minute round trip plus the three hour session. That was four hours out of her day EVERY DAY. She decided she’d go to just one session; maybe her friend would be pacified. Especially now that she was doing better. At least that’s what she told herself.

She did the one session, letting her mind wander to all the reasons why she wouldn’t return.

    And she didn’t.

    Two weeks later she got a call asking why she hadn’t returned. She informed them is was just not a good fit and besides, she was doing much better. She was told of another option where she could attend a women’s group meeting once a week in Dillon. Would that work better? She said she needed to think about it and would call back, planning never to make that call.

    Less than a month later, after another rock bottom day, she made the call and was on the schedule for the following week.

    Week one came and she regretted reaching out because she had gotten a handle on it. Again. For the millionth time. But she went for the hour session and while the counselor spoke she mentally planned the rest of her day. Week two came and went the same way.

    Week three began a bit differently. This being a state-owned facility, the counselor had to ask permission from everyone in the group to speak about spiritual things. No one had a problem with it so he began his presentation while she proceeded to check out mentally.

    “...climbing, struggling to get to the top of the pit...” Wait, what? Suddenly, he had her total attention.

    “...and as soon as he reached the top, the dragon in the pit would grab his feet and pull him back into the pit. Dragon is often used as a type of satan. That’s why you feel you can never win this fight. And you can’t. He gives you hope, he lets you climb, makes you feel like you can make it and then takes all hope away. This is NOT a flesh and blood fight. This is spiritual warfare and your weapons are no good. 2 Corinthians 10:4 tell us ‘For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;’ You cannot win this battle without God.”

    Things were beginning to make sense now. She’d struggled, fought, stood her ground, determined to fix what she had done wrong, but it never worked because she’d never asked God to fight for her. She believed she couldn’t ask Him because she was the one who’d done everything wrong to begin with.

    For once, the light was within her reach and she became serious about recovery. It didn’t happen immediately and it wasn’t without struggle or consequences. Eventually, she traded the meetings for Church and the counselor for Jesus.

    The enemy seemed to ramp up the fight, even attacking in her dreams, but this time there was no turning back because the Light had come to her.

2 Corinthians 3-4 For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;)